Kindness

Besides being a decade late to this whole blog thing, I’m quite enjoying writing down my thoughts regularly.

My grandfather (mother’s side) used to write in a journal daily.
My mother said to me that she thinks anyone who write a journal daily can’t be a bad person.
I don’t know if that’s true, but I do think there’s some credence to one being introspective and a good person.
But then again, I do believe everyone is normally good, or at least in part.
At least tries to be…
At least thinks they’re not a bad guy… maybe?

My grandfather was known to be very kind.
He was well respected in the rural Korean town my mother was raised in.
He was a coast guard.

But maybe being kind can be a bad thing…
Mark Rosewater has a great quote.
”One’s greatest weakness
is one’s greatest strength
pushed too far.”

Everything in moderation right?

Unfortunately being kind and being a coastguard didn’t bring much fortune.
Which is to say, as a coast guard my grandfather would only really make money by ticketing people.

Being as kind as he was, he would usually let people go with a warning.
The townsfolk would pay him back with favors of course.
My grandfather apparently was allowed to basically drink for free at the local tavern.
But this didn’t put food on the table at home.
My mother grew up very poor, she didn’t reliably have food to eat — something that I have trouble even fully comprehending…
Man does not live on bread alone, in this case beer… Let alone his family of 6.

I’m sure that the townsfolk thought they were giving back proportionally, and of course I’m sure they had their own hardships to worry about.
But all of this makes me think of how easily kindness is taken advantage of.
Common traits associated with kindness and being a “good person” are things such as patience, understanding, generosity… all of which if the flow is unilateral, then one side is being taken advantage of.

Do nice guys always have to finish last?
What of balance?

Happy?

All I want is to be happy.
Isn't that what everyone wants?

What does it look like to be happy?
Does it require doing things that make you happy?

Happy now?
Happy later?

Does being truly happy, really happy, require being sad, tired, stressed... then overcoming that?
Does that make one happy?
Is there such a thing that would make us happy now, instantaneously and continuously, or even more so, happier later?

Do we actually strive for achievement?

We look to the past, and wish to be proud of our achievements — To have done something.
We look to the future, and wish to have things to look forward to — Security, legacy, appreciation.

Can we sit in peace and be happy?
Yes, with acceptance comes peace.
Misery is born from wanting.

But what of altruism?
What of helping thy neighbor?
What good does it do the world if some Buddha sits under a tree enlightened by themself?
Can you hoard enlightenment?

The Buddhists say, “Life is Suffering.”
I find that a little pessimistic.
I pose that Life is TRYING.

Maybe that’s all that we can hope to achieve.
Trying to be happy.

Slots are interesting.
We know that the return on slots are negative.
But they’re fun.
Maybe we don’t actually want to win, but rather have a chance.
Is excitement necessary for fun?
Is risk necessary for thrill?

Apparently there’s a study that shows that humans prefer a slight bit of negative stimulus.
We don’t want things handed to us. We like to be engaged in things, we like to earn our rewards.

That tracks with evolution.
It’d be bad if we grew too complacent.

Maybe this is why society, civilization, history is so cyclical.
There’s the old saying,

“Hard times make for strong men.
Strong men make for easy times.
Easy times make for weak men.
Weak men make for hard times.”

Are we, as a race, destined to be on this hamster wheel of cyclical torment?
A 4 dimensional cage…
Is this the most we can hope for?
Can we devise of a system that has a steady drip of hard times?

I’d hate to compare my hardships or the hardships of our generation to those of such horrible times such as the Holocaust, times of war, people that suffered under famine, and other tragedies…
But I can’t help but see the level of depression and suicide in the world and think that at least in hard times, there’s a theme of banding together, of making it through, of wanting to live!
Of course this could be chalked up to romanticizing the past, and it’s easy for me to make light of tragedies that I don’t need to undergo… But how sad it is to feel so hopeless, listless, and depressed to not even wish to live.

I have on my desk my Incentive Spirometer from my accident. Almost dying, and relearning how to breath, how to laugh, made me appreciate my life that much more. But even with that in my past… those demons’ whispers still reach my ear.

Do we yearn to struggle?
Maybe life really is Suffering…